Iranian Leaders Shitpost Market Truths

Time to bring out the classics?

Here’s a quick guide for dummies to read his chart:

  1. Shorting accelerated Traders (and friendly balance sheets) pile into “oil must fall” bets. Price dips. Nothing about actual barrels changes.

  2. SPR go brrr ← YOU ARE HERE Same joke as money printer go brrr. Dump the emergency stash as fast as the pipes allow. That red dot is the current cope.

  3. Fauxios “Peace” Leaks Faux + Axios. A leak drops: deal is close, strait reopens, oil floods back. Price dumps on the headline. Deal evaporates. Repeat as needed.

  4. SPR MOL reached Minimum operating level. Those salt caverns are not a magic ATM. Drain them too far and you risk wrecking the caverns and losing the ability to pump what’s left. That is the hard stop after “go brrr.”

  5. Envoys Dispatch Blitz Reserve is cooked, fake peace headlines stopped working, so send a swarm of diplomats. Looks busy. Buys another week of hopium. Then the red band (=oil price) keeps going up. Because none of those tricks put the missing Hormuz barrels back in the water.

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