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The Official Babylon Bee Voters’ Guide

20 October 2020

THE BABYLON BEE — As you know, this election is the most important election in our lifetimes. Experts say it may even be the most important election since the formation of the universe over 6,000 years ago!

Experts also say that if your candidate loses and the other candidate wins, democracy and freedom will be destroyed for all of eternity. The only way to stop the apocalypse is to vote as hard as you can and totally own the other side!

To ensure success on voting day, be sure to follow these important tips. […]

3 Comments on The Official Babylon Bee Voters’ Guide

  1. ” since the formation of the universe over 6,000 years ago! ”

    Nice try … but here is the real age of this one particular universe :

    A day of Brahma: A kalpa
    Each Kalpa(day) will have have 14 Manvantaras.
    Creation happens only during these 14 Udaya Kalpas and he rests during 14 Kshaya Kalpas (his nights).
    Right now we’re going through Sweta Varaha Kalpa and Vaivasvata Manvantara.
    Earlier to that 6 Manvantaras, ruled by 6 manus have passed.

    As per vedas 1 Manvantara = 71 Mahayugas.
    1 Mahayuga = 1 Sat(Krita) Yuga(40%) + 1 Treta Yuga(30%) + 1 Dwapara Yuga(20%) + 1 Kali Yuga(10%).
    Now, Kali Yuga is defined to last for 432,000 solar years.
    Based on that, Dwapara Yuga lasted for 864,000 years, Treta Yuga lasted for 1,296,000 years, Sat Yuga lasted for 1,728,000 years.
    Total Maha Yuga span now is : 4,320,000 years.
    So each Manvantara = 4,320,000 x 71 = 306,720,000 years.
    6 Manvantaras have passed so far, so 6 x 306,720,000 = 1,840,320,000 years have passed in past manvantaras.

    So far 27 Mahayugas have passed in present(7th) Vaivasvata Manvantara.
    27 x 4,320,000 = 116,640,000 years.
    In 28th Mahayuga (running presently), 1 Krita (Sat) Yuga, 1 Treta Yuga, 1 Dwapara Yuga and Kaliyuga’s 5112 years have passed so far.

    So add 1,840,320,000 + 116,640,000 + 1,728,000 + 1,296,000 + 864,000 + 5112 = 1,960,853,112 years.
    These many years have passed in present year (51st) of Brahma.

    Before that 50 years have passed for him.
    That is : 50 x 360(days/kalpas) x 28 (Manvantaras) x 71 (Mahayugas) x 4,320,000 (each maha yuga span years) = 154,586,880,000,000 years.
    Add 1,960,853,112 years to it and its about 155 Billion years.

    So … it’s more like 155 Billion years old !!!

    • What an interesting and enlightening comment, thank you.

      The most definitive study into the [biblical] age of the earth was carried out by James Ussher (1581-1656), Archbishop of Armagh and Primate of All Ireland in his “The Annals of The World” (1650), known as “Ussher’s Chronology”

      From his bio …

      “James Ussher, was one of the greatest scholars and theologians of his time. In his enduring search for knowledge he travelled widely in Britain and Europe, seeking the earliest available manuscripts, buying those he could, and copying others. After his death, his extensive and valuable library, formed the nucleus of the great library of Trinity College, Dublin.

      Despite his success as a churchman, Ussher is perhaps most famous for having dated the start of the creation to the evening before 23rd October, 4004 B.C. Ussher calculated this timing in his Annals, a work of biblical chronology which he published in Latin in 1650 … and which was translated into English in 1658.”

      For your archives …

      But in the spirit of Babylon Bee, you’ll love “Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch” by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. Especially the first page of the chapter titled “Eleven years ago” which reads:

      “Archbishop James Ussher (1580-1656) published “Annales Veteris et Novi Testamenti” in 1654, which suggested that the Heaven and the Earth were created in 4004 BC. One of his aides took the calculation further, and was able to announce triumphantly that the Earth was created on Sunday the 21st of October, 4004 BC, at exactly 9:00 a.m., because God liked to get work done early in the morning while he was feeling fresh.

      This too was incorrect. By almost a quarter of an hour.”

      Read on for fun … 😊

      So it appears Ussher may have been more than just 15 minutes out …

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