Babylon Bee | August 23, 2023
ATLANTA, GA — The Center for Disease Control warned Americans this week to resume all contact precautions due to a new and rapidly-spreading “Electionyearicron” Covid variant.
CDC director Bob Cohen spoke with reporters Wednesday to announce the new variant. “‘Electionyearicron’ is thought to be the most disruptive variant yet, and will be here all through 2024 until approximately November sixth,” said Mr. Cohen. “So everyone, stay home and get ready to vote by mail!”
The White House hosted an immediate press conference to address the dangerous new variant. “We’re thrilled – I mean, um, alarmed – to hear of this deadly new ‘Electionyearicron’ variant,” said White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre. “The President says we’ll probably just go ahead and cancel the general elections next year as a precaution. It’s the only way to really flatten the curve. You don’t want to kill grandma, do you?”