9 February 2022
BABYLON BEE — The Biden Admin has announced plans for 500 million new masks which will be shipped out for free to U.S. residents. These masks will have a brand-new design feature: a small mouth hole so that people can easily smoke their government-issued crack pipes.
“We are proud of our equity initiative to send out safe crack-smoking kits to people who desperately need them,” said Press Secretary Psaki. “Unfortunately, wearing masks can make smoking crack more difficult, which disproportionately affects mask-wearing crack-smokers of color. These new masks are meant to address that problem.”
The new masks will feature a small mouth hole just large enough to accommodate a glass crack pipe so that crack smokers can smoke crack without removing their masks. […]