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Even Worse Than Dilapidated Airports: Our Nation’s Theme Parks Are the Real Dystopian American Vision

31 July 2021

REVOLVER NEWS — Last week, Revolver essay made a strong case that airports are the ultimate, hellish symbol of modern America. And they are a worthy contender. But they aren’t the best one. No, the most visceral, immediate way to witness the decay of 2021 America is to set foot into a popular amusement park. From Disney World and Universal Studios to Cedar Point and Six Flags, America’s theme parks may offer charm and exciting thrill rides, but they also offer a stark dystopian vision of how far America is from the great country it once was.

Sure, there are a lot of fat people in airports. But to stroll through a contemporary American theme park is to witness a blob of humanity in all its greasy, engorged, jiggling horror. 35+ BMI humans waddle about, gorging on funnel cakes, shaved ice, and the bespoke ice cream confabulations that are the typical fare of theme parks. Syrup and sugar coat the face, stick to the fingers, clog the arteries, and bloat the waistline.

In airports, the obese masses at least benefit from air conditioning, but in a theme park on a glorious summer day, their bodies will be coated in a generous lather of sweat, which will soak through their shorts and T-shirts, making them resemble wrappers at the fast food outlets they eat at 2-14 times a week. […]

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7 Comments on Even Worse Than Dilapidated Airports: Our Nation’s Theme Parks Are the Real Dystopian American Vision

  1. My family went to Dollywood a few months ago when they first reopened. We went with some relatives of the wife who were (shall we say) a bit overweight.

    None of them could fit in the chairs outside the rides (you sit in them to see if you can close the safety bar/apparatus).

    My daughter and I rode till we were content while they slaved away at the funnel cakes.

    I must say, tho, that if you want to experience a decent family park, Dolly’s is better than most.

  2. Yes amusement parks to me are zoos for people. I haven’t been to one in over 30 years because I find them totally depressing. The article forgot to mention the change in airports since 911 where the average person is now declared a terrorist. Ropes that herd the cattle to their check point stations, remove your shoes, empty your pockets and then the naked scan or/and sometimes a groping occurs. Now a 4hour trip will take you 12 with idiotic lay overs and routings to hubs..then packed like cows to the slaughter. I gave up flying about 5 years ago also.

  3. Yep, sure is going on!

    But what do we do if this happens?:

    Maybe this fella can save us; seems like he doesn’t mind a funnel cake or two:

    Nope, seems we’re doomed:

    Guess we will just take most of the rest of the world down with us and maybe they will be too tired to invade:

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