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(Satire, sort of) Biden Unveils Skin Color Chart To Determine Who Gets Federal Aid

12 January 2020

THE BABYLON BEE — President-elect Joe Biden gave a press briefing from the basement of his Wilmington mansion announcing that his incoming administration will be utilizing an innovative skin color chart to determine who is the priority in receiving their share of the $900 billion federal coronavirus aid package recently passed by Congress.

“Our priority will be black, Latino, Asian, and Native American-owned small businesses, women-owned businesses,” Biden informed the nation. “We are sending out a new color chart to all agencies involved to make sure there is no malarkey with white males and those with melanin deficiencies cutting in from where we are placing them at the back of the line.”

Experts praised the administration’s new color chart as being very unambiguous, black-and-white even, on who the government was going to help and not help. […]

4 Comments on (Satire, sort of) Biden Unveils Skin Color Chart To Determine Who Gets Federal Aid

  1. I have in laws that work in the District. They rented a hotel/Air bnb in a neighborig state for this entire week until DC is lifted from military control. They are Biden voters to boot. Someone should dub over the Escape from NY/Escape from LA theme with the various videos of national guard marching around DC. Or even better, Red Alert’s Hell March.

  2. It has been said before: within the soon to be ludicrousity, satire of any kind will be impossible to recognize. It will be a challenge even for SNL.

  3. You really have to laugh out loud at the press here in Canada. Every time Trump sneezed, CBC and CTV were throwing him under the bus with egregiously slanted stories. Now we have Biden, not even officially in power stating he has an outrages colour scheme for small businesses and his intention of cancelling the Keystone XL Pipeline. The whoring of the media to the criminals running our countries is out of control and has been for many decades. There’s plenty in this incoming Biden(really Harris) administration to keep Americans and Canadians awake at night.

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