(Babylon Bee) Newsom Assures Homeless They Can Resume Pooping On Sidewalks Once His Boss Leaves

Babylon Bee | November 13, 2023

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — California Governor Gavin Newsom initiated a last-minute cleanup of San Francisco ahead of a visit from China’s communist dictator President Xi. He assured all unhoused persons in the area that they may resume their normal practice of sidewalk defecation as soon as his boss has left town.

“Please, we need to try and keep the place clean just for a few days while my boss is here,” said Newsom in a press conference surrounded by a horde of angry homeless people. “Please don’t mess it up for me and President Xi. I really want to impress him. Please hold it in for a couple of days. Just clench or something. After that, you may poop to your heart’s content. Thank you.”

“Please,” he added. “If I play my cards right, Xi may even let me become President. This is huge for me.”

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3 Comments on (Babylon Bee) Newsom Assures Homeless They Can Resume Pooping On Sidewalks Once His Boss Leaves

  1. “The Third Rome”– Matthew Raphael Johnson

    Chapter 7 – The Russian Peasant Under Serfdom (opening quote)

    “The Russian leads a simpler life than other Europeans. The gulf between rich and poor is not as great as in the West where some wallow in riches and others are sunk in the depths of misery. Everyone in Russia, rich and poor, eats to his heart’s content and lives in well heated houses, whereas in the West the poor suffer from cold and hunger. […] This life for the workman and peasant in Russia is better than in other countries.”

    J. Krihanitch, 1646, a Serbian by birth and a graduate of the Catholic College in Vienna, after spending five years in Russia (quoted by A de Goulevitch in “Czarism and Revolution”)

    (Note the year 1646)

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